so i started taking this class about painting Materials, Process, and Content. it's taught by Jamie Brunson, who is a wonderful and recognized artist. i'm hoping to learn as much as i can from her, with the limited time that i have.

since it's only an extention course that i'm taking with her, i somehow feel that i'm a lesser priority than the other students who are going for some kind of degree. i don't know. maybe it's just some sort of insecurity on my part. i'm hoping that somehow i'll be able to tell her all that i need to tell her so that she can help me get the proper tools that i need to succeed. i also hope that i will be able to listen and properly process all that she tells me. i want to ask the right questions that will help her help me easier.

i guess i need to figure out a way to really have her undivided attention and during a time when neither of us need to look at our watch to see if we're running late for some other appointment. i also feel like i have to keep her interested in what i'm trying to achieve and what i already have. i don't think she's impressed with the paintings that i have produced. but she seems to be impressed with my eagerness. i think i'm fine with that. i have never been one to make a good first impression on a teacher anyway.

but goodness gracious. for so long i have been wanting a mentor. someone who will guide me and help me think and process and produce the best that i can.

usually, when i'm talking to someone about my art, i'm quite concerned that i'm wasting their time or that they don't really care to hear me blab about my artistic mission or products. i feel that people's time are so limited and most people are so self absorbed that it's never a good idea to bombard them with all my seemingly arbritrary thoughts. but Jaime seems to understand.

i'm sure alot of it has to do with her job. i mean it's her job to sit there and listen to students and make sense of all the words that we say. but she seems to like being able to help lost artists such as myself. she did call herself an "artistic nun" after all.

anyway, there are lots of things that i want to talk to her about. including finding out where i fit in the multiple levels of art. like do i want to be shown in carmel or sfmoma. the yerba buena center or fisherman's warf.

you know stuff like that. i have a feeling that i will have to tear myself apart before i can get myself together, so my product may suffer in the meantime, but if it gets me to a higher plane of creativity and skill, then it's all good.