iv'e been thinking alot lately

so much that my dreams wake me up at night
because it's working so hard
trying to process everything that iv'e
learned and encountered

nothing tragic has happened
to cause me to think so much
no heartaches
no deaths in the family
the golden state warriors didn't miss the nba playoffs by one game

but what has happened
and is happening is that
i am learning so much about art
and retaining so much
so much more than i've been used to

i mean it doesn't seem as much
as what i learned in college
but what i learned in college
didn't give me the pressure of
having to apply the knowledge right away

these days
since i'm supposed to be a working artist
anything i learn
is applicable right away

i can't just set it aside
for later
when i'm actually selling my work
because i am selling my work now
and i can use this newly acquired knowledge now

Taking the Leap
and all these art conversations
and philosophical conversations
with amazing artists
and scholars
and beautiful thinkers
has gotten my mind so excited

that it can't stop reflecting
thinking in retrospect
analyzing every word
and phrase that was said and learned

and wondering how i should respond...

i've been thinking so much
that my speach stumbles
because my mouth can't keep up with my thoughts
i mispelled my name the other day...
how do you mispell your own name?

i'm afraid that the great opportunities
of intelligent creative conversation
and art world education
is causing me to lose my way

it's like...
i travelled to paris from america
with a single minded mission
to see the louvre in one day
only to find out that there is the Musée d'Orsay
and a bunch of other art environments that are just as mind blowing

i mean i only have so little time
where do i go first?
what places should i sacrifice?
what a great tragedy to have so many opportunities
but only have so little time to encounter them!

and the opportunities are so mesmerizing
that my mind finds itself pre-occupied
from the very reason why i'm giving myself these opportunities -
to create my own art

i feel like i am now so mentally exhausted
that i can't get excited about putting together
another painting

i feel like i just want to get a good night's sleep

is this normal?

i mean is this ok that this is happening?

maybe i should stop going to so many art show openings
or having so many lunches and dinners with intelligent articulate people

they just make me think so much

i'm tired

i'm tired of thinking