emotions
/sometimes sadness/
----------------------------

Can't Smile Without You
Barry Manilow

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see, I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

Now some people say happiness
Takes so very long to find
Well I'm finding it hard
Leavin' your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you...

explore
/a warm spirit/

i'd like to take some time and talk about
ibalik

his journal site
is filled with warm words about the filipino culture
sometimes he even writes his journals
in the native language of tagalog

visiting his site makes me feel like
i'm reminiscing of good moments
with a close friend

he shares pictures and videos
of friends
as well as beautiful images
of the home country

in one of the videos
ibalik captures a moment
that i miss the most
about being with pinoys

in the description
he writes
"this video reminds me of the easy life in pinas:
kickin it with your friends at night, drinking, talking, laughing, singing
while the only sober person plays the guitar.
it's a camraderie i've been longing for,
oddly, i found it in minnesota (of all places. salamat sa inyo)."

i invite you to visit
the warm spirit of ibalik

art
/bigger is better?/
=============

i'm starting a new piece in a couple of weeks.
i'm getting paid about $800 to paint on an 8 feet by 6 feet canvas

yeah, that's pretty big
it's gonna be my rendition of
a georgia o'keefe flower painting

i shouldn't be nervous

i've done flowers before
and
i've done paintings that big before

but for some reason
i am

i guess it's been a while since i've done
a commission
and a while since i've done
something this big

oh yeah...
and it's been a while
since i've painted flowers

well ok
i guess i know why i'm nervous

anyway


i know i can paint it
and i know it can be the most beautiful
flower painting i've ever created
but i just need to put myself in the correct frame of mind

i actually can't wait to start it
and experience the feeling
of being physically engulfed by the very image
i'm creating

oh yeah...
that's the fun part of painting
a big painting

ok. i'm not as nervous anymore...

thank you for listening
oh wise visitor

on love
/imperfection/
@>---->---------

on an online message board regarding love and relationships, someone asked if love was flawed or imperfect.

Here is my over analytical response:
wow, this is a really interesting question to ponder.
i can probably go on thinking about it for days before
i can really articulate an answer that comes close to
something acceptable.

but i'll give it a try anyway...

people define love in so many ways. it can be a noun,
verb or adjective. and even within those categories
people still have endless definitions. but i'd rather not cop out by saying "it depends".

i think the most acceptable definition to me is that
love is simply a feeling. an emotion that is selfish
and giving at the same time. in it's most balanced form, love becomes the motivational core or source of energy for a nurturing interdependent relationship. however, love can only be perfect or flawless under specific circumstances. sort of like how perfect the sun is in relationship with the earth- not so close that it burns us, and not too far that we freeze to death.

i see love as a source of energy which can only be flawless for human relationships if the ones who feel it can also place it under the right circumstances.

it may only be flawless under the care of two autonomous people who can create a good balance between their love for themselves as much as their love for the other.

well ok... i gave it a shot.. heh.

music
/an old flame rekindled/
=================

as i reminisce
of beautiful songs from my past

Everything But The Girl
slowly makes their way back
to my heart


We Walk the Same Line
by EBTG

If you loose your faith, babe, you can have mine,
and if you're lost I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

Now I don't have to tell you
how slow the night can go,
I know you've watched for the light.

And I bet you could tell me
how slowly four follows three,
and you're most forlorn just before dawn.

So if you loose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

And I don't need reminding
how loud the phone can ring
when you're waiting for news.

And that big old moon
lights every corner of the room.
Your back aches from lying
and your head aches from crying.

So if you loose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

And if these troubles
should vanish like rain on midday,
well I've no doubt there'll be more.

And we can't run and we can't cheat,
cause babe when we meet
what we're afraid of,
we find out what we're made of.

So if you loose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

to do
/dvds/

i must get:
the dvd collection of the Soul Food series
the dvd collection of the Sopranos series

these shows are so cool!
Soul Food helps me make the right personal/life/and love decisions.

Sopranos understands my rage and my confinement in society's expectations of manhood.